Yet, when you reach that abyss of point-of-no-return, it again bounces, and with a shimmer of hope brings you back in action. I have been through many topsy-turvy turns over the years. One thing which I have learned from this roller coaster ride is that I should not take life for granted, it can always shock you or surprise you any moment. I guess this suspense of every moments makes it all worth living!
It is amazing to see how we create elaborate plans for future, dotting the i's, crossing the t's and mulling hours on fine print of stuff. Yet when the things unfold, in reality all plans go for a toss, and you are back at square one of your planning. I guess this is life's way of reminding how little control we really have over anything (if at all).
I still remember how my wife and I made great plans for the delivery of our first child. Like all first time parents, we were nervously excited. We were consulting with one of best and most sought after Obstetrician in the city. My wife could not stand the atmosphere in regular hospitals. So we chose a very special boutique maternity hospital for the D-Day. One more reason to choose this hospital was that they allowed father-to-be inside the OT if it was a normal delivery - something we both really wanted. We even made advance booking to reserve a room for us when the time comes. We calculated the time it takes to reach the place, tried multiple route plans and figured the most optimum one with least pot-holes and best possible road patches. We had figured it out all - or so we thought.
The house of cards did not collapse in one shot. It began with our doctor telling us that she is taking a vacation when my wife was due and asking us to meet another doctor next time to get familiarized with her. This was bolt out of the blue as we were very particular about normal delivery which our chosen doctor was known for. But what choice did we have! And then come another shocker. We met the other doctor and the first thing she said after examining my wife and after scan was that we should prepare ourselves for c-section as the baby was not yet in position & was over-weight for normal delivery given my wife is petite. All this when just until previous scan the weight was perfect!
Being adamant about our choice, we decided to seek third opinion and we started looking for another doctor. We found one, and she explained the same thing to us but told us that the chances were 50-50 for normal delivery. She said that the baby's weight was not favorable, yet she will try inducing labor and attempt for normal delivery. However beyond a point, she would need to go for c-section.
Last shocker was yet to come. Our new doctor did not consult with our chosen hospital - and we had no choice but to go to the hospital where she consulted - and behold - it was a regular one. Here went our plan for delivery in a boutique maternity hospital out of window.
I still remember that night. We got my wife admitted to this hospital. It was a sleepless night where they tried inducing labor. But our stubborn baby refused to budge. That night I started sinking into a hollow of depression that nothing is right with this world. Shock, after shock had shaken my ability to hope. In the morning we had to finally decide for the operation.
I can never forget those couple of hours of pacing while they prepped my wife for c-section. They literally took her away. So much so for being in the same room with her at the time - I was not even close from hours before! Those moments as I nervously paced the room waiting for her to be back with me with our child were probably the one of the toughest moments of my life. Weird thoughts of all kinds were testing my patience. It was almost a time I felt that the world was just crashing down. I had no clue how much time it would take. I had not even an inkling what was happening inside. I was just praying that everything turns out to be okay. I guess this was that abyss - that point of no return from where people are not supposed to return.
Yet as mischievously generous life is - I saw a doctor with a pram coming out, walking in the direction towards me. I had no clue about the process post delivery. My idea of such hospitals was that a doctor or nurse would come out, look for me and announce the arrival of the new life! Boy, life is certainly more dramatic than any fiction. This doctor kept walking and for some reason I approached him. He called out my name, I confirmed it was me - and he congratulated for being the father of a baby girl. He showed me her tag. I asked about well-being of my wife and he told me she was fine. That was life's first gift.
And then the second gift. As I held her, I looked at that sweet little baby. Now I know why children are bundle of joy. In that moment I forgot all the misery of previous night - and last couple of days. I forgot all the nervousness, all the pain, all the mental agony we had gone through. This was my first tryst with a newborn and somewhere in silence my heart already devoted me to her. I felt a surge of love and affection I had never imagined I was capable of. Pihu was a beautiful newborn, and is a lovely toddler! Ever since she has arrived, she has brought unimaginable happiness into our world. Those days before she came are now a distant memory. My wife and I are proud parents and our daughter is now the fulcrum of our life's happiness.
That moment turned all my negativity upside down, filled me with hope about our future and made me look-up to our future. It filled my heart with warmth, love and suddenly, the world was again a lovely place. I love life for what it is - and for giving me the most beautiful feeling I can ever ask for! Every time I remember those moments, I feel a surge of optimism and world is worth living all over again!